People Pleasing

Unless you’re a politician, and want to get elected, being all things to all people is not a good thing.

In today’s episode we’re going to tackle the subject of people pleasing.

As a people-pleaser we tend to lose our identity.

God made us to be unique, a one-of-a-kind. We are made In His image, but we all have different personalities, talents, goals, and physical abilities. We water down who we are when we try to blend in and go with the flow.

That old saying you can please some of the people some of the time. But you can’t please all the people all the time is so true.

So let’s take a look at 10 signs that you might be trying too hard to please everyone.

The first sign that you might be a people-pleaser is that you pretend to agree with everyone.

You want to be liked. If you’re being yourself, not everyone is going to like you. But that’s okay. Because if you agree with everyone, you have corrupted God’s moral standards for your life and your identity in Christ.

The only time you should be in total agreement with someone else is if their position is centered on God’s word. Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.

Galatians 1:10 says, for am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Don’t compromise who you are in Christ.

Take the time before you agree, who’s approval you’re seeking.

That should be the first thing you do every time someone shares their viewpoint.

The second thing that might lead you to be a people-pleaser is if you feel responsible for how other people feel.

If your friend is depressed, it’s not your job to make them happy. You can’t control other people’s emotions. You can empathize with how they feel, but ultimately they need to come to terms with the root cause of their distress.

I remember our pastor telling us about an individual who strayed away from the Lord. One Sunday his heart was convicted and he came to the altar and started to cry his heart out. A well-meaning parishioner came to his side and wanted to console him. The pastor stopped him and said let him cry.

If the well-meaning person had stopped him from crying the conviction that this man was experiencing would have been derailed. Tears are not always a bad thing.

After Peter had denied Christ three times the Bible says in

Luke 22:62 So Peter went out and wept bitterly. As well he should.

The third sign that you might be a people-pleaser is that you tend to apologize all the time.

Whether you blame yourself or you fear other people are blaming you, you don’t have to be sorry for being you.

2 Timothy 2:15 tells us, Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth

When we do our best before God we need not apologize for our beliefs and how we conduct ourselves. Others may not agree with our walk, but we don’t need to bend to their opinion. As long as God’s word reins supreme the need for apologies will be few.

The fourth sign that you might be a people-pleaser is that you feel overwhelmed by the things that you have to do.

Your schedule is filled with everyone else’s requests of you. When your schedule starts to squeeze out your time with the Lord then it’s time to reevaluate your priorities.

Do everything in moderation.

Colossians 3:23 says, whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as unto the Lord and not unto men.

We can do nothing in our own strength. As long as we keep the Lord at the center of all that we do he will see us through. But if we are doing it for acceptance and recognition from others then our strength will fall short.

Our strength comes from the Lord

John 15:5 I am the vine ye are the branches. He that abideth in me and I in him the same bringeth forth much fruit. For without me ye can do nothing.

As we abide or rest in the Lord He will sustain us.

Exodus 20:8 calls us to, “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.”

A holy day is set apart from the rest of the week. That’s what holy means; to set apart. We need a day to renew our strength, both spiritual and physical. God knows what’s best for us, so when Sunday rolls around take that time to focus on Him and not the things of this world.

The fifth sign that you might be a people-pleaser is that you can’t say no.

Boundaries are important and you need to set them. No, is not a rude thing to say. No, will save you from a multitude of sins.

One of the greatest boundary setters I can think of is Joseph. His encounter with Potiphar’s wife shows how a true man of God should conduct himself.

Genesis 39:6-9 reads , So Potiphar left everything he had in Joseph’s care; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate. Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, 7 and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” 8 But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. 9 No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?”

Joseph knew how to say no. He set Godly boundaries. Many great men have succumbed to such enticement and have lived to regret it. Sometimes you just have to say no.

Now let’s take a look at the 6th thing that might indicate that you’re people-pleaser.

You tend to feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.

Just because someone’s mad doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. An angry outburst directed at you should not cause you to shutdown or have a heightened sense of anxiety.

Let’s take a look at 1 Peter 2:19-20 which says, 19 For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.

We don’t need to feed into what others are dishing out. Defensive posturing serves no purpose. If someone is angry and feels the need to vent, let them. Don’t take it to heart. I know that’s easier said than done. But if we always take the high road we can neutralize the situation. Do everything in love.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

We should take comfort in knowing that God is in control. We don’t need to vindicate ourselves. Retribution is his department not ours.

Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Now the seventh thing that might make you a people-pleaser is you act like those around you.

Now I know some of you who read your Bible are going to be quick to throw me under the bus and say, well Paul was all things to all people. We’ll get back to Paul in a minute.

So, if your buddies use crude language and you cuss right along with them, just to fit in. That’s a problem.

If your pals go to Papa John’s and everyone’s acting like they’ve never eaten before, and you’re stuffing your face right along with them. That might be a problem. Don’t conform to the ways of this world just to fit in.

Romans 12:2 and be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

John 12:43 For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.

Now let’s take a look at Paul and this controversial verse.

1 Corinthians 9:22 says, To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.

Paul adapted to his surroundings. He did not compromise his integrity . His motives were pure and he was not seeking the approval of others. His heart’s desire was to win souls for Christ. Romans chapter 10 expounds on Paul’s desire if you would like to read further.

Number eight on the top 10 reasons you might be a people pleaser is you need praise to feel good.

When we seek the validation of others for what you are accomplishing then your worth comes from man and not from God. Man will let you down, God never will. We should always give God the glory for what he’s doing in our lives and do everything in humility.

Philippians 2:3 says, Let nothing be done through strife or vein Glory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves.

You should always question your motives for what you do. For example If you’re memorizing scripture to seek the praise of others for your accomplishment, then you’re not giving God the glory for what he’s doing in your life. Your accomplishment has become an academic endeavor and not a means of drawing closer to God. Always question your motives.

Okay stick with me we’re almost there.

The 9th reason you might be a people-pleaser is you go out of your way to avoid conflict.

Avoiding conflict means that you struggle to stand up for the things and the people that you really believe in.

How’s that saying go, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

1 Peter 3:15-16 But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.

I must be honest, conflict is something that I struggled with. Conflict used to shut me down. I’d avoid it at all cost. The main reason was I took everything personally. I’d automatically get defensive instead of trying to put myself in the other person’s shoes. It wasn’t until I started seeing others the way God sees them that I could not only listen to what they had to say but I could start responding with gentleness and respect.

And finally, the tenth reason you might be a people-pleaser is that you don’t admit when your feelings are hurt. You don’t want to be a burden to those around you. So you put a smile on your face and act as if nothing is wrong. But, when the laughter ends, the grief is still there.

We need to be honest with God, ourselves and someone we trust about how we are feeling.

Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

When you pour wine into a bottle and you put a cork in it ages and gets better with time. But, when you take your emotions and your bottle them up and stick a cork in it, it gets bitter with time. We’re not perfect and we don’t have to act perfect. It’s okay to be you.

It’s okay to be mad and express anger but don’t compromise your Christian values in the process.

Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your Wrath, neither give place to the devil.

Another thing that cripples us and disables us emotionally is fear and anxiety. Don’t let fear rule your life. Fear shows our lack of faith in God.

Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. and the peace of God which passes understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

One last thing, we need to be able to forgive those who have hurt us. When we forgive it’s not for them it’s for us. we can’t have healing if we hang on to hurt.

Ephesians 4:32. “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

So as we bring this episode to a close let’s just keep a few things in mind. When we look for acceptance we already have it in Jesus, and If we do what is pleasing in God’s sight we don’t need to habitually try to please others.